Octane Therapy
Lust Where Love Was
A confession about shame, damage, and hating the colder parts of myself that survived
where love used to live.
Stream the Track
Hating What Damage Left Behind
“Lust Where Love Was” is about hating what damage turned me into.
It is not a song about wanting meaningless sex. It is about the shame of realizing
that after being hurt, used, rejected, and lied to enough times, something in me
changed.
I used to want love first. I used to want forever, trust, marriage, family, and
something real. But now there is a colder part of me that reacts before my heart does,
and I hate that it exists.
To me, this song is confession, not pride. It is about still wanting love deep down,
but not trusting myself to hold it the right way anymore.
The worst part is not that I stopped believing in love completely. The worst part is
that I still want it — I just do not know how much of the old me is left to give.
Lyrics
I used to want love Used to want forever Now I don’t even trust what wakes up in me anymore I used to hold back Used to know the line Used to mean respect Every single time Used to want a heart Not a body for the night Used to want something real Something built right I used to look at women And still see the soul Now I hate the way my eyes move Before my mind knows Every lie took warmth Every wound took trust Now there’s something cold living Where there once was love Piece by piece They stripped me thin Now I don’t know What still lives in this skin There’s lust where love was Shame where hope lived I still wear the mask But I know what this is There’s lust where love was Rot under the touch I hate what survived When they took too much I still say the right words Still play the right part Still keep my hands clean Still hide the dark But that ain’t the whole truth That ain’t all of me There’s hunger in my chest now Where love used to breathe I see the body first And I fucking hate that fact Like all the worst parts won And now there’s no way back I don’t want forever I don’t want the pain I just want the feeling Then silence again I still act like Nothing changed But underneath It’s all been rearranged There’s lust where love was Shame where hope lived I still wear the mask But I know what this is There’s lust where love was Rot under the touch I hate what survived When they took too much And that’s what kills me I still want that life Still want the house Still want the wife Still want kids Still want something true But I don’t trust my heart now Not with what it turns into So I keep to myself Keep the distance there Cause I know what lives in me And I don’t think it’s fair The road feels cleaner Than anything human does And the only place I breathe Is where the blacktop was I became the thing I swore I’d never be Cold where a heart Used to beat in me And I don’t want this But I know it’s real Pain took the love And left me this to feel Lust where love was Lust where love was I hate the man That the damage was There’s lust where love was Shame where hope lived I still wear the mask But I know what this is There’s lust where love was Rot under the touch I hate what survived When they took too much I still want love That’s the worst part I just don’t know if there’s enough left in me To hold it right